I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
