I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
