like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
