Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
