I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
