dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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