YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
