I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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