she woke up with a sticky ear
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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