I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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