you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize