he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
