I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
