She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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