she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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