I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
