ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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