I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
