dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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