How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
