There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
