I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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