I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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