Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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