how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize