I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize