Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
