There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
