i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
