Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize