she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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