So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
