Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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