She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
