i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
