Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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