she woke up with a sticky ear
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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