haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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