i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
