Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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