I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize