I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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