You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
