I'm so fucking centered right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
