I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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