i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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