you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
