why didn't you poke me back
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
handjob tips. give me some.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
