He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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