My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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