i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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