I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
