i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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