I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
