Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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