So drunk its hurt
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
