I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
