girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
