dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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