Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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