i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
